I'm going to open up this blog with an apology, I started this blog with the full intention of it being daily where my social life would allow it, but this is the first real chance I've had to write it. But to be totally honest, I think I prefer to leave it for a couple of days for a few more events to occur.
So where do I start? I've had a fair few appraisals from unlikely sources about the content and writing style of my blog, and one or two criticisms. One of the criticisms particularly stood out, in that the content was a little too "derogatory". Although this wasn't the official word used, it is the word that I would choose to display it as. I would like to clear up at this point that in no way shape or form is the blog aimed at insulting, or offending anyone. Why am I clearing this up? Everyone knows I insult people regularly. Well because I personally don't see how the entry could have been interpreted to be offensive, but I can see from the point of view of an outsider how it may be. So for that reason, I won't be "naming names" or what they've actually done, because some things I'm not comfortable sharing with everyone, so why would the people they're about like it?
Which brings me onto my next point. Of late I find myself insulting people without intending to, and actually realising how. Whether it's just because I'm oblivious to my behaviour, or whether for once I'm not actually in the wrong. The other day I cracked a joke, not particularly offensive, and got bitten in the ear for it. Why? I wish I could tell you. It wasn't a rude, derogatory joke. It wasn't offensive in any way, shape or form, and people concur with my point of view, which is a rarity. Last night I was told by a complete stranger that I was behaving like a complete nob. How? No idea, a girl flicks her drink at me repeatedly and I'm the nob? Well, I am, but again I'm surely not to blame here but yet I find myself in that situation. But then again, I'm not really going to beat myself up about someone I don't know not liking me.
So why am I writing about this anyway? I seem to have found a different side to me of late. Usually one to put a shield around what I'm actually thinking/feeling, I've talked about it of late, mainly to set the stories straight, people not strictly being truthful with what they tell people, but it's made me feel a lot better! Why didn't I try this before? People are noticing the change, maybe I'm just as susceptible to these emotions as other people no matter what shields I try to put up to avoid them.
Thanks for reading, and feel free to comment/leave feedback wherever.
Thomas.
Wednesday 30 November 2011
Sunday 27 November 2011
The Misunderstood Illness.
Welcome everyone to the third instalment of my blog. Today my entry will consist of a different nature, a rather hypocritically journalistic article. The blog is meant to be about my thoughts etc, which isn't strictly incorrect, as today, like most football and sport fans in general, my thoughts are with Gary Speed's family. To those of you who don't know, former footballer and Wales manager Gary Speed was found hanging this morning in his house, with police not suspecting suspicious circumstances. Which can only mean suicide. Which brings about the point of my blog. Why would a man aged 42 with a considerable life ahead of him do such a thing?
Whenever I hear the saying "money can't buy you happiness", I instantly respond "tell that to the man with millions in the bank and a gorgeous wife and family waiting for him at his mansion." But I'm not really that naive, I am fully aware that money doesn't always buy happiness. But what could cause a happily married, model pro to do such a thing? Although no official reason has been given, it can only be assumed that depression is the reason.
So what is depression? There seems to be a common misconception amongst people that depression is caused by a trigger event, for example the loss of a family member etc. But depression is worse than this, can arise from nothing and leads to feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, and perhaps worst, worthlessness. The latter would explain the alarming levels of depression-related suicides.
"But how would the man with millions in the bank and happily married contract such feelings?" Are people really so naive to believe that footballers etc have such a happy life? Put yourself in Gary Speed's position, manager of the Welsh football side, and although not the biggest country in the world, having 70,000 passionate football fans who have paid £50 or thereabouts each to watch your team, screaming at you everytime you put a foot wrong. And that isn't mentioning the expectancy of the remaining nation at home. Put that into context with the pressures of your job, and suddenly being a footballer/manager doesn't seem like such a great job after all does it?
But people don't realise this. Depression in sport is too rife, but not many people come forward. Look back to the case of Robert Enke, the German goalkeeper who committed suicide by jumping in front of a train. Enke first suffered depression in 2003 whilst playing for Barcelona. While at Barcelona, Enke suffered the tragedy of his daughter being born with a severe disability, and later dying, and this played a contributory factor in his depression. But when he suffered from depression again later in his life, there was no trigger. No-one knows how or why it came about, it just did. Why didn't he come forward? Or actively seek help? Even talk about it to his wife, who happened to be a psychiatrist? It was revealed by a close friend who released a biography, that Enke intended to collaborate with, that he was too scared to admit to them because of the stigma that is attached to doing so. Which when you think about it isn't such an illogical thing. Who would expect the general public to understand that someone earning thousands of pounds a week could possibly be depressed? A few sportsmen of late; Stan Collymore, Mike Yardy, Marcus Trescothick etc have successfully battled against depression, and decided to speak out about it in order to raise awareness and make other people suffering not feel so bad about admitting their problems.
But if depression was the reason for Gary Speed's untimely death, the sporting world has lost a fine man because awareness still isn't high enough, and I'm sure there are plenty of others suffering from it scared to admit their problems. But hopefully, in light of the circumstances, maybe more people will be able to accept their problems. If anyone watched the minutes silence in the Swansea v Aston Villa match today, they will have seen Shay Given, a close friend of Speed's reduced to tears, and such emotion on a football field nearly had me in tears too. I can't even begin to imagine how Speed's wife and children must be feeling right now, to lose a husband and a father. But awareness of depression in sport must be acknowledged, and raised, as it can happen to any one of us for no apparent reason.
Thanks for reading,
Thomas.
Whenever I hear the saying "money can't buy you happiness", I instantly respond "tell that to the man with millions in the bank and a gorgeous wife and family waiting for him at his mansion." But I'm not really that naive, I am fully aware that money doesn't always buy happiness. But what could cause a happily married, model pro to do such a thing? Although no official reason has been given, it can only be assumed that depression is the reason.
So what is depression? There seems to be a common misconception amongst people that depression is caused by a trigger event, for example the loss of a family member etc. But depression is worse than this, can arise from nothing and leads to feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, and perhaps worst, worthlessness. The latter would explain the alarming levels of depression-related suicides.
"But how would the man with millions in the bank and happily married contract such feelings?" Are people really so naive to believe that footballers etc have such a happy life? Put yourself in Gary Speed's position, manager of the Welsh football side, and although not the biggest country in the world, having 70,000 passionate football fans who have paid £50 or thereabouts each to watch your team, screaming at you everytime you put a foot wrong. And that isn't mentioning the expectancy of the remaining nation at home. Put that into context with the pressures of your job, and suddenly being a footballer/manager doesn't seem like such a great job after all does it?
But people don't realise this. Depression in sport is too rife, but not many people come forward. Look back to the case of Robert Enke, the German goalkeeper who committed suicide by jumping in front of a train. Enke first suffered depression in 2003 whilst playing for Barcelona. While at Barcelona, Enke suffered the tragedy of his daughter being born with a severe disability, and later dying, and this played a contributory factor in his depression. But when he suffered from depression again later in his life, there was no trigger. No-one knows how or why it came about, it just did. Why didn't he come forward? Or actively seek help? Even talk about it to his wife, who happened to be a psychiatrist? It was revealed by a close friend who released a biography, that Enke intended to collaborate with, that he was too scared to admit to them because of the stigma that is attached to doing so. Which when you think about it isn't such an illogical thing. Who would expect the general public to understand that someone earning thousands of pounds a week could possibly be depressed? A few sportsmen of late; Stan Collymore, Mike Yardy, Marcus Trescothick etc have successfully battled against depression, and decided to speak out about it in order to raise awareness and make other people suffering not feel so bad about admitting their problems.
But if depression was the reason for Gary Speed's untimely death, the sporting world has lost a fine man because awareness still isn't high enough, and I'm sure there are plenty of others suffering from it scared to admit their problems. But hopefully, in light of the circumstances, maybe more people will be able to accept their problems. If anyone watched the minutes silence in the Swansea v Aston Villa match today, they will have seen Shay Given, a close friend of Speed's reduced to tears, and such emotion on a football field nearly had me in tears too. I can't even begin to imagine how Speed's wife and children must be feeling right now, to lose a husband and a father. But awareness of depression in sport must be acknowledged, and raised, as it can happen to any one of us for no apparent reason.
Thanks for reading,
Thomas.
Friday 25 November 2011
The Need For Space.
Welcome all to my first real blog, hopefully the introduction didn't completely put you off reading.
The day is Friday, which means a day off uni just for a change. 7 hours a week is pretty ridiculous when I'm paying £2,000 a year to attend, but looking on the bright side, next year Leeds Met are charging £8,500 a year so I can thank myself lucky. Not much usually occurs on a Friday for me, except the inevitable catching up on Countdown, so I'm going to take you through what has been a pretty up and down week for me.
After a surprise gambling win on Saturday, I went into the week on a high, feeling that nothing could knock me down. How wrong I was. Monday brought about the inevitable boring lectures and the purchase of a panda hat. But Tuesday was different. Waking up to a text from a girl you'd been seeing giving you the elbow is never a good feeling, and so my downward spiral was underway. I had no qualms with the way things ended, and we part on good terms, so not all bad. But just like Nelly Furtado, as my iTunes shuffle politely decided to play first song, I was questioning 'why do all good things come to an end?' But I'm a realist, and there is nothing I can do to change anything, so I just have to accept things and look to the future. Marley knew exactly what I needed, and that was a trip to the pub.
Wednesday brought about a belated birthday trip to Frankie and Benny's and the cinema to see Tintin, which for lack of a better phrase was what I call 'fucking awful'. The day saw an upturn in my mood, but not because of the trip out. What started as a simple request for an Orange Wednesday code descended into a full on heart-to-heart, but I wasn't doing any of the talking. This was our first conversation for at least a month I'd say with someone I consider a very close friend, although we hardly see each other despite the fact she now lives in the same city as me, it's always good to know you've got more than your best set of friends that you trust to tell anything to, and I consider myself very lucky to have such a good set of friends. But the conversation really put things into perspective for me. And I advise anyone who is going through a rough patch to just think about things in perspective, there are always people somewhere in the world with a problem worse than yours. Sometimes a lot closer to home than you may realise.
Totally excusing Thursday, today is now Friday, and after my boring exploits of nothingness, I find myself gearing up to get ready to go to work, an 11:30pm-4:00am shift at a nightclub called 'Space'. For once, I seem to be looking forward to work, different surroundings, different people, and although there will be the inevitable drunk bellend behaving like one, and the people who find the way I say "80 pence" amusing and make a few jokes about it, after reading someone else's blog about the almost impossible quest for unemployment, maybe I shouldn't take my job for granted.
If this week has taught me anything, it is to always have a positive outlook on life, no matter what may go wrong.
Thanks for reading, and as per usual, hopefully this was a little more interesting and insightful to read.
Thomas.
The day is Friday, which means a day off uni just for a change. 7 hours a week is pretty ridiculous when I'm paying £2,000 a year to attend, but looking on the bright side, next year Leeds Met are charging £8,500 a year so I can thank myself lucky. Not much usually occurs on a Friday for me, except the inevitable catching up on Countdown, so I'm going to take you through what has been a pretty up and down week for me.
After a surprise gambling win on Saturday, I went into the week on a high, feeling that nothing could knock me down. How wrong I was. Monday brought about the inevitable boring lectures and the purchase of a panda hat. But Tuesday was different. Waking up to a text from a girl you'd been seeing giving you the elbow is never a good feeling, and so my downward spiral was underway. I had no qualms with the way things ended, and we part on good terms, so not all bad. But just like Nelly Furtado, as my iTunes shuffle politely decided to play first song, I was questioning 'why do all good things come to an end?' But I'm a realist, and there is nothing I can do to change anything, so I just have to accept things and look to the future. Marley knew exactly what I needed, and that was a trip to the pub.
Wednesday brought about a belated birthday trip to Frankie and Benny's and the cinema to see Tintin, which for lack of a better phrase was what I call 'fucking awful'. The day saw an upturn in my mood, but not because of the trip out. What started as a simple request for an Orange Wednesday code descended into a full on heart-to-heart, but I wasn't doing any of the talking. This was our first conversation for at least a month I'd say with someone I consider a very close friend, although we hardly see each other despite the fact she now lives in the same city as me, it's always good to know you've got more than your best set of friends that you trust to tell anything to, and I consider myself very lucky to have such a good set of friends. But the conversation really put things into perspective for me. And I advise anyone who is going through a rough patch to just think about things in perspective, there are always people somewhere in the world with a problem worse than yours. Sometimes a lot closer to home than you may realise.
Totally excusing Thursday, today is now Friday, and after my boring exploits of nothingness, I find myself gearing up to get ready to go to work, an 11:30pm-4:00am shift at a nightclub called 'Space'. For once, I seem to be looking forward to work, different surroundings, different people, and although there will be the inevitable drunk bellend behaving like one, and the people who find the way I say "80 pence" amusing and make a few jokes about it, after reading someone else's blog about the almost impossible quest for unemployment, maybe I shouldn't take my job for granted.
If this week has taught me anything, it is to always have a positive outlook on life, no matter what may go wrong.
Thanks for reading, and as per usual, hopefully this was a little more interesting and insightful to read.
Thomas.
Thursday 24 November 2011
An Introduction.
Hello everyone, and welcome to my very first blog. If you're reading this I'm assuming you know who I am, so there is no need to introduce myself. So let's cut to the chase.
Why am I writing a blog? There are a few answers to this question. The in-depth one would be the bullshit (but in my case, actually true) story about autobiographies. When I read my first autobiography; David Beckham's for anyone curious, it made me wonder how people remembered so many stories from their childhood, and I always toyed with the idea of keeping a diary to keep track of everything interesting that happened in my life, which admittedly would have been a very short diary. So just on the off chance that I became famous and needed to write an autobiography, this was why I wanted a diary, but as the unmotivated lazy man I am, I never really got round to it. At 20 year old, in my final year of university, I finally find the time. The real reason for writing a blog? One word. Bandwagon.
What do I intend on getting out of this blog? In all honesty, not a lot. Apart from the inevitable publication of it for being so awesome. Jokes aside, there is no real gain for me. I just thought people might be interested in what goes through the head of a 20 year old law student with a lot of time on his hands. Or to those who know me, what in my head causes me to be the way I am?
Hopefully the blog will be daily, only if my social life allows for it, and if there are enough incidents/thoughts of note in my day to make it worth wasting your time reading it.
Anyway, I've waffled on for long enough, I just wanted to give a basic insight as to the who, why and what and hopefully I didn't bore you too much with this first entry. Thanks for reading and I hope you look forward to hopefully the blog starting tomorrow,
Thomas.
Why am I writing a blog? There are a few answers to this question. The in-depth one would be the bullshit (but in my case, actually true) story about autobiographies. When I read my first autobiography; David Beckham's for anyone curious, it made me wonder how people remembered so many stories from their childhood, and I always toyed with the idea of keeping a diary to keep track of everything interesting that happened in my life, which admittedly would have been a very short diary. So just on the off chance that I became famous and needed to write an autobiography, this was why I wanted a diary, but as the unmotivated lazy man I am, I never really got round to it. At 20 year old, in my final year of university, I finally find the time. The real reason for writing a blog? One word. Bandwagon.
What do I intend on getting out of this blog? In all honesty, not a lot. Apart from the inevitable publication of it for being so awesome. Jokes aside, there is no real gain for me. I just thought people might be interested in what goes through the head of a 20 year old law student with a lot of time on his hands. Or to those who know me, what in my head causes me to be the way I am?
Hopefully the blog will be daily, only if my social life allows for it, and if there are enough incidents/thoughts of note in my day to make it worth wasting your time reading it.
Anyway, I've waffled on for long enough, I just wanted to give a basic insight as to the who, why and what and hopefully I didn't bore you too much with this first entry. Thanks for reading and I hope you look forward to hopefully the blog starting tomorrow,
Thomas.
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